Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
