I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
