Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
