I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
