in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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