u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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