shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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