Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize