I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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