I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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