Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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