She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
