You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
