glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
