I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
