She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
