Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
