your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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