is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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