I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
