Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize