1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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