I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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