u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
