we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I still have a little drunk in my system
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
