just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The struggles of a small town man whore
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
