I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
