Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
