I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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