WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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