Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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