trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
