at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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