is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
