was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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