My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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