So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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