I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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