My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
