Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ok first of all what the fuck
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
