So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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