It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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