Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
