Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
