So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
