we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
