True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
