Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
