Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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