Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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