I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
