I murdered the dance floor call the cops
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
