What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
