so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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