dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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