bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
