I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish you could order shots online.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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