The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
