I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize