i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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