there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
