I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
