i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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