I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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