she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
