i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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