just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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