i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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