did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
