last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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