So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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