Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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