Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we made out on top of his cat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
