so explain again why im purple
no
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
