Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
