Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
