Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
