As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
