Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
operation have a gay friend backfired
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize