You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
